just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize