She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
