I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
