I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
that is very illegal...i love you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
