I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
