I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize