I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
