You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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