Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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