sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
