hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You made out with two different species that night
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
