I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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