So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize