He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Less talking, more tequila
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize