in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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