just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
