Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
