I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
