i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize