i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
