You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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