Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
