I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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