How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
