does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
