Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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