Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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