What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
