She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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