So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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