i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
