Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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