You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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