i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
