I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
