Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize