You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
