if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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