if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
