I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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