i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My vagina is very pro this idea
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
