Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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