I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
