I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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