It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
