Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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