Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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