the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
