He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
