too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
