I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize