it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
