u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Found your dick twin last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
