So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
