I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
jump out the window naked night went bad
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