Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
