sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
