Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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