He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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