Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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