i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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