Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
