Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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