I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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