I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize