Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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