I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
