He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
