I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
