I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
