Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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