so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
