your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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